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i wanna see the silver lining....

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2nd June 2006

4:27pm: post liberation...
so i graduated. no biggie, it went by faster than i had anticipated. im a little dissapointed. maybe this is a rather insignificant dissapointment that i always say, but it needs to be said often. guys are idiots. they never seem to make up their minds. i used to think a guy would contribute to me being happy, but they dont. im the only person who can make myself happy with my own successes, friends and family. internal success is the best; external success is good, but is often immature if one doesnt look past their "15 minutes of fame". so this summer should be rewarding. when i say rewarding i mean sleep time, and time to do the things i wanted to do without having school to worry about. reading, keeping up with current news, and exercising. this summer will be good :) i have all this time to do whatever i want, i just want to use it efficiently and maturely.

27th April 2006

10:16pm: the end of the beginning is near....
im becomming more emotional about graduation steadly approaching......i dont know why... but i think of it as a finale of my first part of life. its a congratulations for surviving the turmoils of puberty, hormones and the other life situations that come along with it. well i just hope a good mellow song plays in the background as i walk across the stage....

7th April 2006

12:29am: metamorphisis
i love my parents more than anyone could ever see.....and my friends too :)

7th March 2006

9:33pm: single in the city
ok, so i realized im that stupid single person that will always be surrounded by happy couples, people who use me for a short period of time while they're on a break with their significant other, and doomed to be single and walk the line alone.....AGH men! whatever.....men are stupid. yea, you are too!
8:34pm: infatuation or love?
does having sex bring the two people closer together? or is it just a way of expressing a mutual feeling?

2nd March 2006

4:52am: future lover
so tonight i watched one tree hill. it was a phenomenal episode. in case you didnt watch it, it was basically about a young man who comes to school with a gun and holds several people hostage in a room. it was pretty intense. everyone ran everywhere when he pulled the trigger in the beginning and from there depth came in. it really got to me because it made me feel for kids in school that feel that way everyday about school. loneliness and despair. growing up is such a cruel and unusual period of time for humans. there are many interpretations, but i believe its all the same in one way or another. at the beginning of the episode i thought about myself at my school. i have my own group of friends, and thats it. but there are others who have no one, and i can name a couple. but are we to blame if don't make time for others we don't know? the best answer i can give is, be amiable towards everyone. don't isolate people because you are stuck up to not be friends with everyone and aren't up to meeting others. i think we should all talk to whoever, no matter what social alliance we are in: jocks, cheerleaders, band people, choir people, art people, the intelligent ones, etc.... high school is a weird time in ones life....

i've been thinking about my future lately......i'm thinking of abandonning america for a while when im older. move to a foreign land and cultivate my life with something simple and useful. i want to be a bohemian. haha. i dont care what others think, i want to be happy and pass on my happiness to others. this place gives me a headache. i plan to escape for some time in the summer to my getaway....i will never tell.....

28th January 2006

6:20pm: .......
hey livejournal readers!! lol i so didn't know what to say.....im excited; i start working at the adult abercrombie, which is next door to mine lol, next week! yea. i'll be transferring there, just so you all know if you wanna come by and visit me. hehehe. "have you check out our great fitting jeans?" ugh, i hate saying that line. but yea, i just wanted to write in here because i never really do. so have a good night everyone!

24th January 2006

10:47pm: re-vamp
i have a new picture in my biog. on my info. page! check it out! haha i love it. tell me what you think....

22nd January 2006

9:13pm: smacked in the face by truth
wow. so tonight my girls and i go see brokeback mountain. one word. WOW. now i know why hollywood is taken by a storm. i COULD NOT stop crying. ahhhhhh! that movie touched me like no other movie has done. just thinking about it makes me start to cry. lol. i love my live journal audience!!! a shout out :o to: jenny, jill, kara, jason, and whoever! reads my entries :) well this weekend has been a weeekend of tears. brittany (my store manager at abercrombie) is now gone from our store because saturday was her last day. she will now be the new store manager at abercrombie and fitch north park in dallas. right now its being renovated and everything. it will be badass. i cant wait to go help open it up with her. damn i love that girl. hahaha. so yea, schools going good and fast. ahhhh things are going to quickly around here. i need to get my ass up in gear. oh god. *vomits*. well i hope everyone has an AWESOME day and night!!!! dont let anything superficial get in your way. :)


25th December 2005

11:44pm: merry christmas?
so today is christmas and its the celebration of the birth of Jesus. but in america, people forget the real meaning and embellish it with meaningless gifts you bought at the mall such as that nice watch you gave to that special someone or a diamond ring. whatever it is. for me, its different this year. i already recieved my ipod before christmas because i wanted it so bad, which i love. but, after working in retail(abercrombie) and watching/helping customers buy clothes for someone and seeing how CRAZY the mall gets, its pointless and sad. i dont like gifts for christmas anymore, i'd rather recieve something more meaningful with love. not a pair of jeans, watch, ring, or some electronic because i can buy that myself. opening my gifts at 12 midnight when chrismas began started out ok, but then my dad ruined it because he had to talk to me about a certain issue going on in my life and it just irritated everything! i felt so invaded with my personal space and the smell of alcohol from his mouth did not appeal to me at all. this is by far the worst christmas in my life. EVER!!!! will everyone thats stupid just slap themselves and fall unconcious please. not really, but it would be nice. 2006 better be a nice year....

4th November 2005

1:25am: materialism
i need your opinions. define a person whose materialistic. whats your point of view?

30th October 2005

8:08pm: my halloween party! take a look
conviction_87's Halloween party:

______semaphore dressed as someone called "Shelly Pletcher", but you've never heard of them before.
_amateur dressed as a interrim network administrator.
bellalunastar forgot to put on clothes!
ciel_de_voile dressed as the Governor of Wyoming.
gion_parade dressed as Mr. Spock from "Star Trek".
magykmyke dressed as the King of Martinique, and it suited them disturbingly well.
parsons_2006 dressed as a cigar.
puppieschmups dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Amazing Beggar.
pur__matin didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
scott0ferd dressed as a Honeywell International employee.
silverangelkisz dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Squeezit Hamsterfanny".
utandymike didn't dress up, spoilsport.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

29th October 2005

11:44pm: confessions
im hung up. im mad like fuck. and my mind is a window shattered into pieces. where the hell am i going? i need an escape.

13th October 2005

11:14pm: disclaimer
this young man is done with being a victim of falling for cunning and decieving men. no more. the tables shall now be turned. im taking back what was mine. im feeling good about this.... watch your back.
Current Mood: awake

2nd October 2005

10:32pm: blank
i love how my livejournal is incognito from alot of people i know and that i can say alot without drama occuring. *knocks on wood* this week was added to one of my worst weeks in my life. so *nameless guy* isnt going to work out. at all. oh well. i was pissed. im just fed up with the same deal with a guy. no more. im through. besides that, im loving me and renee's ( my cousin:)) plan for next fall. if all goes well im leaving this damn place and forgetting it ever happened. fuck DFW. im not liking how my dads side of the family is getting into my college business. it just adds to the stress when valedictorians come in and help, which i appreciate, but i feel more stressed by it. i just want to do good and make my graduation worth coming to. its a major issue on mind for the year. *sigh*. other things are fine too. just hope nothing goes wrong.

31st August 2005

8:54pm: in those jeans
there's nothing like buying a new pair of jeans and having that feeling where you feel sexy. LOL. bought some jeans earlier and they're my favorite. brings out my features, if you know what i mean....so yesterday was the first of the stressful days to come this school year. i finished my essay early than usual, and i was ready to print it, but it didnt work a couple times, so i refrained to save it on floppy. stupid me didnt save it on the hard drive and when i did, i checked the floppy to see if it saved, and after numerous tries, the fucking floppy lost my paper!!! OH was i in a frenzy. so after crying, i got over it and re-did the paper. go me. this weekend is labor day weekend and a 4 day weekend too. im excited
because i can get some ACTUAL sleep. senior year is starting to settle in. the enormity of senior year hasnt hit me, yet.

18th August 2005

3:30pm: so school has been going well so far. my schedule makes my day go by fast and smooth. i absolutely love my ap english teacher, she is the best. shes funny, full of wisdom, and says her opinions about literature, for example she told us she doesnt like jane austen and made fun her. LOL. cracks me up. not much is going on. im kinda disspointed with someone right now....oh well.

15th August 2005

10:37pm: closer
this afternoon i almost died. i believe. i was napping after school, and i had a dream of me outside walking and then the ground split, and i fell into utter darkness. a black hole full of nothing. then the scary part was i couldn't wake up for a couple minutes, or move. it was really really weird. and when i finally woke, i gasped for air. that was interesting in a bizarre way......

13th August 2005

12:54am: *rolls eyes*, slams door and throws wine glass at wall. shattered glass falls to the ground. slow motion.

12th August 2005

11:19pm: rescued?
its funny how school rescued me from turning into a monster....how ironic. hopefully this year goes as well as anticipated.

10th August 2005

11:01am: a new beginning
tomorrow is back to school; senior year. i just got done watching dawson's creek, the final episode. it was sad and i cried, but it made me realize i need to hold on to my friendships much closer and learn to appreciate more of the important things in my life. my little motto for senior year is, "once you start, there's no turning back". sounds kinda cliche, but oh well. tomorrow and the rest of the year is going to be so surreal....

7th August 2005

12:39am: feminine vs. masculine: where is the line drawn? as we get back home and get out of the car, my mom starts to talk me by saying:
mom: "you know how lesbians suddenly change and like men?"
(i already knew where this was going....)
me: "yes, what?"
mom: "well, what if you met a girl later in life who is attractive and you two get married and be happy?"
me: "thats never going to happen"
mom: "why not?"
me: "i dont like vaginas!"
mom: " how do you know, you've never tried it?"
me: "do you like vaginas?"
mom: "no, i have one myself"
me: "well i dont like vaginas!"
(we walk through the door into the house, and im trying to think of a good rebuttle to shut her up)
me: " i don't like feminine men, i like masculine men mom!so there really is no difference between you and i. except i have a penis and you have a vagina!"

this issue has been bothering me for the past week and a half. so i go out with my friends and i bring up the issue and what me and my mom discussed, and my friend is says, "but masculinity between gays are against it." and i think to myself, "why?!" every gay guy isnt feminine at all!!!! and thats the issue, people automatically stigmatize homosexuals being feminine and far from masculine. WTF?! i know a few gay guys that are masculine and im definetly sure there are more out there that are as well.
the issue still exists; will it end?
Current Mood: blah

1st August 2005

3:07am: fun pics

me, linda, and kenny having fun with linda's web cam. enjoy.


29th July 2005

3:50pm: senior year
so senior year is almost here. i can't believe it. saying or hearing that im going to be a senior is so surreal to me. it hasn't hit me yet. i'm a little nervous/excited about it being my last and final year of public school, so every day as i get closer to G-Day(graduation day), i'm going to grow sadder/excited. is it too much to feel such oxymoron feelings? this summer has been great! i got 2 jobs this last week; abercrombie kids and jc penny's portrait studio. it is also surreal to me that im working at abercrombie. one of my cousins said "thats a hard job to get, i heard you have to be really good-looking, congratulations." when i heard that, i was like "hmmmm". LOL. hopefully people i know will not begin to stigmatize me for working there. now i have to go back to imprisonment, in which i forced myself so i can finish my summer assignments.....

27th July 2005

6:16pm: noticing things....
i noticed how i dont get alot of responses from my profile on my-boi, and it's because i clearly state the fact that im not into one night stands, or a regular hook-up. HA shows what the majority of men are looking for. damn men. hahaha. not all of them; there are good ones out there.i also was thinking how guys make things complex and act all nice and "one of a kind" when you meet them, but then they have sex with you and don't call you back. Then i thought, why the HELL can't they first just say "hey i want to have sex with you; want to have sex?" But, then i realized, thats how they trick men/women into bed and sleep with them, adding more to their fucked list. my mind ponders alot, as you can tell. LOL. *sigh* i can't write well today.....
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